“How long are you here for?” the immigration agent asked us.

“Just five days,” I replied.

“What’s your next destination?” she followed up.

“France.”

“And then?”

“Portugal!” I said brightly.

“And then?”

“Spain!”

She made a haughty hand motion; ‘get on with it,’ it said. “Keep going until you’re back to your home country.”

“Whew, that could take a while. Italy, probably Bulgaria, Turkey… then Asia, but we don’t have it planned…”

“When do you go home?”

I shrugged. “I dunno, March maybe? April?”

“Your jobs let you off for an extended period of time?”

“Oh no, we stopped working so we could travel.” I was starting to get impatient.

“But you have family back in the states?”

“I mean, yeah, of course.”

“I’m just trying to make sure you’re not going to stay here in the UK,” she huffed.

Lady, my inner-monologue started, I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, you know to Brexit and everything, but you’re the one country on earth more embarrassing and ridiculous than my own right now. Anytime reading US news gets me down, I just read some news about Brexit and I feel a little better. Anytime I think, “I can’t believe an imbecile like Donald Trump is our president,” I just remind myself, “well, at least we’re not dealing with an idiocy like Brexit,” and I feel a little better. If there were a country I might consider overstaying our visa in, the UK ain’t it.

I just laughed. “We’re leaving in five days,” I said.

Cheerio!

Well then! After that welcoming we were off and running in London. We arrived at St. Pancras station, after taking the Eurostar through the Chunnel. Then, we took the tube and a bus across town to our apartment for the week, in Battersea. It was a lovely area, really, just a short walk from both the Thames and Battersea Park. Did we want to stay in Battersea? Not really! But London is reaaaaaaal expensive! So is Battersea!

But it was great. We had a nice AirBnb there, and plenty of bus lines to get us into the city easily. Erika and I had just enough time that evening to get settled in, cook, and run some laundry, before getting to bed. We had a visitor coming the next day.

No Longer Ruthless

We woke up to find our visitor was going to be a little late. Her flight into DC was late, causing her to miss her connecting flight to London. The airline got her set up on another flight later that night, though, so she’d only be a few hours later into London than originally planned.

Erika took the long trip across town to Heathrow, to meet up with her mother and help her navigate the Tube to get to our place. And I… well, I had the day all to myself, didn’t I? Oh glorious day to myself, we meet again, it’s been so long. What shall we do, old friend?

I started with a too-long run along the Thames. It was just too beautiful a day! I kept saying “Ahhh, I’ll just go one more bridge!” Suddenly I was past Vauxhall bridge and looking at a long 2.5 miles back home. A little too much considering I haven’t run in a month!

“No sign of mother yet,” Erika texted me.

So I settled into video games. For the rest of the day.

It was late in the day when Erika and Ruth got home. Ruth didn’t have any internet access on her phone, so finding her was… dumb luck? Heathrow is a rather tough place to look for a needle in a haystack.

It was getting late, and Ruth was jet-lagged, so we wouldn’t be seeing any of London that day. We had a fish-and-chips dinner in the neighborhood, and took it easy for the evening.

Sailing The Thames

Alright, we’d had our day off–well, I did anyway–it was time to begin the 2-week project of exhausting Ruth.

We decided to begin our touring of London by taking the river taxi to the main part of town, instead of taking buses and the Tube. For the views, of course. It certainly wasn’t for the speed–extremely slow–or the price–something ridiculous like £7 per person. It wasn’t the water taxis in Stockholm, that’s for sure.

First, we had to get to the pier though. And for that, we went on a mile-and-a-half walk through Battersea Park. Come on Ruth, it’s a lovely morning for a walk! Um… I said come on Ruth. No, I don’t think we’ve gone quite a mile yet, we’ve only been walking for two minutes.

Tower of London

Erika and I wanted to get a little more walking, so we got off the boat one stop early, and told Ruth we’d meet her over at the pier in front of Tower of London. It was an obscenely beautiful day, everything London usually isn’t–warm and sunny–perfect for walking the waterfront. Getting off early also let us walk over the always beautiful Tower Bridge.

We met back up with Ruth, and headed up to visit the Tower of London. We got there just two hours before closing–the ticket salesman warned us profusely–but decided that was more than enough time. Plus, it meant fewer crowds!

When we left the Tower of London, Erika and Ruth left to go clothes shopping, and I hustled over to Blackfriars Tube stop for a pub walk tour. Last time I was in London, over 10 years ago, I fell in love with the London Walks walking tours. My favorite one was the Along the Thames pub walk, so I wanted to do that one again this time in town.

It was still great fun, and a good tour, though not as fun as I remembered the first time. Partially, that’s because there were many more people on the tour. Also, with the great weather, the pubs we went to were obscenely crowded, where as 10 years ago it was chilly, and no one was out.

At any rate, I still got a couple good beers, and some lovely views of London at night.

Sandemans Again

The next day, we dragged Ruth onto another of our series of free walking tours. We stuck with Sandemans, as they’d been good to us in Europe.

The tour was… fine. It was fine. It was a hot, super sunny day, and shade was hard to find. The tour guide was a bit too clever. But it was fine! We passed through Trafalgar square, spent time outside of St. James Palace, viewed Buckingham from afar (to stay out of the absurd crowds), walked through St. James Park, and finished up at Westminster Abbey and the Houses of Parliament. It’s a pretty okay greatest hits list, but the tour wasn’t anywhere close to as good as any of the London Walks tours I’d done years ago.

After the walking tour, selflessly I said, “you know what, I’m sure you guys could use some more mother/daughter time. You guys go spend the afternoon together, don’t worry about me, I’ll figure out some way to pass the time.” They felt badly that I’d be by myself, but I insisted. I’m a great husband and son-in-law.

Walking from Westminster Palace, I wondered what I could do. I leaned against a nearby wall, stopping to think for a bit.

I could go for another run?

I thought about how long it had been since we’d been rock climbing. I wish I could do that.

A guy flew past on a motorcycle, and still I had no good ideas.

Looking around for inspiration, there were some posters nearby that I glanced over.

I dunno, I guess I’ll go get a beer.

Bath

After having that beer–which was stellar and action packed, by the way–I headed home to meet up with Ruth and Erika, so we could make dinner, and get ready for our day trip the next morning. We were off to the beautiful town of Bath!

I totally loved Bath the last time I had visited the UK, so I’d tossed out the idea of going there this time. Ruth, especially, was very much on board. Bath is a great day trip out of London–easy to get to by train, much less crowded. The town is beautiful, and the Roman bath houses are amazing.

But before all that, we stopped to grab brunch.

Sally Lunn’s

This stop was a pure Ruth Sturm contribution to the trip. Erika and I didn’t know anything about it, but Ruth did and insisted we go. She was right to insist.

Sally Lunn’s is, at a minimum, a beautiful stop just to see the house it’s in. Apparently, it’s the oldest house in Bath. Did you know. But it’s also a delicious spot to eat, specializing in their ‘Sally Lunn buns.’

They were fantastic. Especially the lemon curd dessert bun we shared! And we got there at a wonderful time, just beating the crowds. We were seated almost immediately; by the time we left, the line to get in was quite long.

Bath’s Namesake

Then, it was on to the Roman Baths. I’d been here before, but it was still worth going again. Aside from the crowd–which, hoooo god–it’s a great way to spend a couple hours. The museum is full of good information.

When you leave the Roman Baths, you dump out into the square in front of the beautiful Bath Abbey, Bath’s central church. Ruth saw the church was about to have a music show, and she wanted to go. Erika and I… didn’t want to go. So, Ruth went herself, and Erika and I did what we do: we took a walk.

We walked around through the main center of town and down to the Pulteney bridge. It’s a small, ancient bridge over the river Avon, with shops lining both sides. It’s pretty! Also pretty is the road you follow after crossing the bridge, lined with beautiful old town houses.

Georgian Architecture

We met back up with Ruth and… well we went for another walk, didn’t we? With Ruth in tow, we crossed through town, and up up up the hill to the Circus, a huge roundabout ringed with expensive townhouses of gorgeous architecture. The last time I was in Bath, I remember hearing that Nicolas Cage had just bought a house on the Circus. At the time, it was £4 million. He doesn’t have it anymore. Mr. Cage has had some money problems.

We left the Circus and walked a little further to another iconic neighborhood full of exclusive houses. The Royal Crescent is composed of enormous Georgian townhouses arranged in a huge sweeping crescent–hence, the name. There is also a large park in front of it, which we used to rest for a bit, and take in views of the buildings.

But it was getting late in the day, and we had a train to catch. So before too long, we gathered ourselves up and started the walk back down into town. We’d been walking for a few minutes, and were about to start heading back down the big hill.

Suddenly, Ruth’s eyes went wide.

“My bag,” she said, concerned, gesturing to her bagless shoulder. “Where’s my bag?”

“Did you leave it on the bench we were sitting on back there?” Erika asked.

Ruth turned and started hustling back in the direction we came from. Erika and I hurried to follow her.

“Wow Ruth,” I started, smirking mischievously, “all this walking we’ve been doing, I’ve never seen you move so fast.”

Over her shoulders, she delivered me not one, but two middle fingers. Erika and I shook with laughter.

Next Time

Her bag was on the bench, thank goodness. We said goodbye to a perfect day in Bath and took the train back to London. The next morning, we said goodbye to London as well, returning to St. Pancras station for another trip through the Chunnel.

This time, we were heading to the City of Light, Paris. Ah oui, Paris, mon coeur, tu m’as manqué. Erika and I couldn’t wait to visit Paris again, and share it with her mother. À la prochaine!